LAST UPDATED APRIL 8 1999
Here is a quick one I heard at the Legion...WARNING...not a beer joke!
Bill Clinton and a Senior advisor go into a restaurant and begin reading
the menu. The waitress, a pretty 20 yr. old, comes to the table and says
"Mr. President it is an honour to have you here, what would you
like to order?"
The President looks up from his menu and says
" How about a quickie?"
"MR. PRESIDENT!!!! I'M SHOCKED!!!How Dare you!" She yells, and storms off.
The Senior Advisor leans over and says
"Ah, Mr. President, thats quiche,sir, quiche..."
Hey Kids My friend HEF sent me these Beer Qoutes- ENJOY!
GREAT BEER QUOTES!!
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline; it
helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear
weapons,but at the very least you need a beer. --Frank Zappa
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to
keep your mouth shut. --Ernest Hemmingway
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has
taken out of me. --Winston Churchill
He was a wise man who invented beer. --Plato
Time is never wasted when you're wasted all the time. --Catherine
Zandonella
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank
her. --W.C. Fields
Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink. --Lady Astor to
Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were my wife, I would drink it. --His reply
Work is the curse of the drinking class. --Oscar Wilde
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. --Henny
Youngman
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. --Benjamin
Franklin
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is
beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the
wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. --Dave Barry
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
--Humphrey Bogart
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
--David Moulton
People who drink light beer don't like the taste of beer; they just like
to pee alot. --Capital Brewery, Middleton, WI
Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world. --Kaiser
Welhelm
I drink to make other people interesting. --George Jean Nathan
They who drink beer will think beer. --Washington Irving
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on. --Dean
Martin
THANKS HEF!!!!!!
Three guys are riding in their truck, drinking beer, having a good ol' time.
The driver looks in the mirror and sees the flashing
lights of a police car so he pulls over. The other two are real nervous,
"What do we do with our beers? We're in trouble!"
"No," the driver says, "just do this: pull the label off of your beer
bottle and stick it to your forehead and let me do the talking."
So they all pull the labels off their beer bottles and stick 'em to their
foreheads. The policeman walks up and says, "You boys were swerving down
the road. Have you been drinking?" The driver says, "Oh, no officer,"
and points to his forehead, "we're on the patch, trying to quit."
This guy walks into a bar, orders 10 beer. Chugs all 10 one after another
in the space of one minute. The bartender asks "Are you alright? Why are
you drinking so fast?"
The guy responds "Because I only have fifty cents."
Two guys are sitting at either end of Kelly's bar late one night when one
of them looks up and says to the other, "How's it goin'? You from
around here?"
The other guy says, "Upper West side."
"Me too. Wher'd you go to school?"
"PS-121""Hey, so did I!"
"What year did you graduate?"
"1964""So did I!"
"What street did you live on?""56th Avenue"
"Geez,me too!"
"What'd your old man do for a living?"
"He was an iron worker."
"Unreal!Mine too!" Just then another guy walks in and says
to the bartender, "What's goin' on?"
The bartender replies, "Not much...but the O'Brien twins are drunk again!"
After the Great Britain Beer Festival, in London, all the brewery presidents
decided to go out for a beer.
The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's
best beer, a Corona."
The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.
The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, give me
'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser."
The bartender gives him one.
The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain
spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is
a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.
The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask "Why aren't you
drinking a Guinness?" and the Guinness president replies,
"Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."
Old man Murphy had worked down at the brewery for years, but one day , he
just wasn't paying attention and he tripped on the walkway and fell over
into the beer vat and drowned. The foreman thought it should be his job
to inform the widow Murphy of her old man's death. He showed up at the front
door and rang the bell.
When she came to the door, he said, "I'm sorry to tell you, but poor old
Murphy passed away at work today when he fell into the vat and drowned."
She wept and covered her face with her apron and after a time, between sobs,
she asked, "Tell me, did he suffer?"
"I don't think so," said the foreman: "He got out three times to go to the
men's room.
Two guys walk into a bar. You think one of them would have seen it!
A gorilla walks into a bar, pulls up a stool, and orders a beer. The
bartender pours him a tall, froth mug and says "That'll be five
bucks."
Asthe gorilla is paying for his beer, the bartender adds "You know...
wedon't get many gorillas in here."
Towhich the gorilla replies, "At five bucks a beer, it's no wonder..."
